


s🅱ider

by crying_at_ikea



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, F/F, F/M, GAYS IM SORRY IM TIRED, I CANT BRAINN, I WILL UPDATE TAGS LATER DFIBGREUDA, M/M, Other, Twitter, it's NOT treated seriously, marvel twitter, srsly like all of them, the AcaDec team(tm) gets adopted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27702749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crying_at_ikea/pseuds/crying_at_ikea
Summary: this just um. appeared to me in a dream <3this will not be updated frequently,,, i'm so sorry
Relationships: i dont even know there's too many, sorry gays - Relationship
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	s🅱ider

**Author's Note:**

> YES most of the OCs are based on my n my friends YES if u look them (& me) up on tumblr you'll find us

**> tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

hi i’m Peter it’s nice to meet you

**> >Spooder-Man @OfficialSpiderMan**

bitch

**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

shut the fuck up Spider-Man no one loves you

**> >Spooder-Man @OfficialSpiderMan**

we been knew @TonyStank come get your son

**> >You Know Who I Am @TonyStank**

Why are you two like this? I hate you both so much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

we just gon ignore the fact that spidey and iron man responded to a random teenager? @TonyStank @OfficialSpiderMan @peanutbutterparker

**> >You Know Who I Am @TonyStank**

@iwonthesitatebitch Yes, yes we are.

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesistatebitch**

well damn okay then 👀 didn’t mean to pry. sorry bruh. It’s just,,, so many people have tweeted you but you never respond,,,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> Pepper Potts @CEO**

Tony, stop calling Peter out.

**> >You Know Who I Am @TonyStank**

Yes, ma’am.

**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

thank you Ms. Pepper Potts ma’am!

**> >Pepper Potts @CEO**

Pete, please just call me Pep!

**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

but,,, the disrespect,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> BirbMan2 @thebetterbird**

hawkeye is a bitch and no one can convince me otherwise

**> >BirbMan1 @hawkguy**

[adam!.gif]

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

finally you’re not harassing me anymore

**> >Iced Americano @soyougotdetention**

i’ll literally kill all three of you please stop being like this.

**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

y’all better be careful,,, he’s going into PSA mode staring at his phone

**> >BirbMan1 @hawkguy**

lmao you right i can see him

**> >my dad is an avenger SUCK IT @thebestbarton**

dad wtf where are you

**> >BirbMan1 @hawkguy**

suddenly i am jared, 19,,, also i can’t tell if you’re screaming or not i lost my hearing aids again

**> >my dad is an avenger SUCK IT @thebestbarton**

PETER WHY DID YOU TEACH HIM VINES @peanutbutterparker also dad you’re literally a MESS how did you lose them????? again????? are you in the vents? DAD!

**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY, LILA, SHUT UP and besides, @TonyStank and @didifuckingstutter friggin’ HELPED

**> >my brother is a furry @didifuckingstutter**

way to out me, peter

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

lmao this whole thread is a disaster

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> cinderella @moonmoon**

hey peter please adopt me into your weird science family. my parents just kicked me out for being gay @peanutbutterparker

**> >i’m better than jane foster @humansciencesister1**

are you one of peter’s decathlon nerd friends?  
**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

SHE IS!!!!!!!!!!! ADOPT HER @TonyStank

**> >You Know Who I Am @TonyStank**

Okay. @unHappyHogan go pick her up please. @CEO Sorry, but she seemed so sad!

**> >FRIDAY @robotsciencesister1**

The more the merrier!

**> >Pepper Potts @CEO**

I’m not even mad. I think Cindy will be a wonderful addition to our family, and I can’t wait to meet her! She seems like a lovely young woman, and it’s unfortunate that her parents didn’t see that.

**> >salt n pepper @pottsnpans**

I am, however, offended that you didn’t contact me on my personal account. I gotta know if it’s Business Pepper or Mama Pepper. Tony, you should know this by now. I’m sad. :(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> not the president @abebabe**

@peanutbutterparker me too? i would like to be adopted but also am i a decathlon nerd friend? i mean,,, my foster home is not good,,,

**> >tony stank’s intern @peanutbutterparker**

yes, you are. a nerd. and my friend. but,,, big nerd,,, but yeah you can probably come stay w us or whatever mom n dad won’t mind

**> >not the president @abebabe**

thanks i know

**> >Colonel J. Rhodes @ColonelRhodes**

@abeybabey I’ll adopt you. Tony and Pepper already have too many kids. Besides, my best friend (@CaptMariaRambeau), her wife (@CaptCarolDanvers), and their daughter (@CaptMonicaRambeau-Danvers) are always looking for more people at the dinner table. @NickFury, looking at you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> not the president @abebabe**

i’m,,, crying???? Tony Stark’s best friend just offered to adopt me???? i,,, CANNOT thanks Mr. Rhodey @ColonelRhodes also: @CaptMonicaRambeau-Danvers i wanna pull some epic pranks with you

**> >lieutenant trouble @CaptMonicaRambeau-Danvers**

boy you are ON. moms, watch out >:)

**> >i broke a spaceship with my body @CaptCarolDanvers**

i suddenly feel like i’ve made a grave mistake.

**> >i have a son, losers @ColonelRhodes**

You can call me dad if you want just… please don’t call me Mr. Rhodey. Reminds of a loser I know. One in Tony’s care… does that sound familiar to you? @peanutbutterparker

**> >HA GAY @peanutbutterparker**

bitch

**> >not the president @abebabe**

i’m so glad i’m being included in this stupid family dynamic i’m WHEEZING like,,, ?????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

i’m feeling left out :/ darcy adopt me, please. i go to school with peter @peanutbutterparker and i’m on AcaDec w him

**> >i’m better than jane foster @humansciencesister1**

@ me next time, coward @janejanejane please?

**> >i’ve been to asgard @janejanejane**

@iwonthesitatebitch @humansciencesister1 Absolutely not, you’d end up dead in three days (both of you).

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

:’( i is,,, cry

**> >i’m better than jane foster @humansciencesister1**

YOU MADE HER CRY!!!!!!!! @janejanejane say sorry NOW

**> >i’ve been to asgard @janejanejane**

I’m sorry, @iwonthesitatebitch but it’s true. @worldsgreatestgrandpa @worldsgreatestgrandma What do you two think?

**> >ANT @worldsgreatestgrandma**

cassie wants a sister!!!!!!

**> >WASP @worldsgreatestgrandpa**

¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ okay sure

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

@humansciencesister1 you can be like the,,, vodka auntie i guess

**> >HA GAY @peanutbutterparker**

uh,,, who??? are you???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**{Direct Messages} uh oh spaghetti-o from: @gwaaanda to: @OfficialSpiderMan and @whosmorales**

**Gwen Stacy**

so there might be a problem?

**Spider-Man**

why is it,,, my problem?

**Miles Morales**

why me?

**Gwen Stacy**

stfu miles you know why

miles and me both have spider powers also peter we know it’s you you’re very bad at remaining inconspicuous while changing in an ALLEY in PUBLIC you idiot

please stop doing that

**Spider-Man**

👀 oops?

haha wow that was… stupid of me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> Spooder-Woman @spidermaam-official**

tfw you get spider powers 👀

**> >Spooder-Woman @spidermaam-official**

oops i meant to text that to my friend @OfficialKidArachnid answer me DAMN ALSO WE VeRiFiEd

**> >Spooder-Kiddo @OfficialKidArachnid**

tfw when you get spider powers 👀

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> IronDad @TonyStank**

Are these accounts real? @OfficialKidArachnid @spidermaam-official

**> >Spooder-Kiddo @OfficialKidArachnid**

yes

**> >Spooder-Woman @spidermaam-official**

omg toby starch

**> >Spooder-Kiddo @OfficialKidArachnid**

omg tiny strank

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

Have you guys been hanging out with @OfficialSpiderMan ?

**> >Spooder-Woman @spidermaam-official**

lmaoooooo bitch get EXPOSED

**> >Spooder-Kiddo @OfficialKidArachnid**

can we say races on twitter? @OfficialSpiderMan @spidermaam-official

**> >Spooder-Man @OfficialSpiderMan**

i don’t see why not.

**> >Spooder-Kiddo @OfficialKidArachnid**

i’m black and latino (also non-binary, bitches, get used to it)

**> >abogado, not avocado @imalawyer**

Yes! We exist! @OfficialKidArachnid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miles stared at Peter with wide eyes.

“What do you _mean_ you can’t see me? I’m right here!”

“Jesus, stop _yelling_! You have some sort of camouflage thing,” Gwen said, poking out in front of her.

“Ow! That was my eye!” Miles whined.

“Stop yelling, no one can see you!” Peter said. “We probably look crazy. Whatever. Let’s go, like, practice your swinging or whatever. Miles, stop being invisible.”

“Wait! Their name should be _Kid Arachnid_!” Miles gave a thumbs up as they flickered into view, grinning. “Yes!”

“Okay, fine,” Peter sighed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> i thought you were american @roadrunner**

lmao we love it when your sister tries kill yojvdfbjhdbsvja

**> >hey i’m lesbian @scarletbitch**

oops ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i had absolutely nothing to do with that. none. zero. n o t h i n g to do with it

**> >Spider-Kiddo @OfficialKidArachnid**

oh my fucken god he fucken dead

**> >i thought you were american @roadrunner**

I LIVED BITCHES

**> >hey i’m lesbian @scarletbitch**

gross no didn’t i throw you out the window?

**> >i thought you were american @roadrunner**

bitch it was the first floor also did you really think you could kill me?

**> >BirbMan1 @hawkguy**

you guys are a fucking nightmare

**> >Laura @iraisedthreeidiotsandmarriedanother**

Clint!

**> >BirbMan1 @hawkguy**

it’s true laura don’t even try to deny it

**> >Laura @iraisedthreeidiotsandmarriedanother**

Apologize. Now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> hey i’m lesbian @scarletbitch**

but??? it’s???? true??? i mean thanks for trying to defend us but it’s true so,,, @irasiedthreeidiotsandmarriedanother

**> >welp, when life gives ya lemons @thebestbarton**

mom please don’t kill dad @irasiedthreeidiotsandmarriedanother

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> cover story is my biggest weakness @whosmorales**

@peanutbutterparker i know you can relate to this so,,, if,,, i am at school,,, and i see a cute boy,,, what do i. what. do i. do. what if he’s straight. i will cry. please help me i’m dying

**> >i need to stop getting stabbed @peanutbutterparker**

hhhhhhh stop exposing me,,, miles no! also walk straight into the lockers because,,, big gay.

**> >i hate my best friends @gwaaanda**

binches!!!!! stop!!!!! tweeting!!!! miles you’re a MiDdLe sChOoLeR drink your school don’t do milk and stay in drugs

**> >i need to stop getting stabbed @peanutbutterparker**

binch you’re in school too shut your fuck

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> cover story is my biggest weakness @whosmorales**

so,,, the cute boy has a girlfriend :’( i’m crying, he’s sTrAiGhT. we lost a good one boys. he was so hot???

**> >i hate my best friends @gwaaanda**

oof sucks. i remember this one girl who was really super hot but it turned out she was straight and i just fell right off a building

**> >i need to stop getting stabbed @peanutbutterparker**

wait,,, are me and @whosmorales,,, the best friends you speak of?

**> >i hate my best friends @gwaaanda**

ew feelings but… yes,,, ew,,,

**> >cover story is my biggest weakness @whosmorales**

awwwwwwwwww yay! BITCH I DO HAVE FRIENDS

**> >i hate my best friends @gwaaanda**

whomst the fuck are you shouting at, young squire?

**> >i need to stop getting stabbed @peanutbutterparker**

yes, they are but a child!

**> >cover story is my biggest weakness @whosmorales**

binches i am not a child! and stop talking like that!!!!! >:(

**> >i hate my best friends @gwaaanda**

lmao i can see them from here they look like a kicked puppy :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> dramatic HOE @lowkeyloki**

what’s up my favorite midgardian bitches! you’re the only homo sapiens i will tolerate in my personal space >:) @peanutbutterparker @gwaaanda @OfficialSpiderMan who’s @OfficialKidArachnid and @whosmorales

**> >dramatic BITCH @gwaaanda**

LOKI? MY HORRIBLE HELL CHILD WE HAVE MISSED YOU!! Also for those of you who will be angry at my bby for attacking earth (1/?)

**> >dramatic BITCH @gwaaanda**

they were mind-controlled and tortured! don’t hate (in “Midgard” years they’re only seventeen, it was their emo phase) so, yeah loki’s just a teenager who went through an ANGERY phase and accidentally got kidnapped by a crazy purple guy ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ (2/2)

**> >dramatic HOE @lowkeyloki**

yes,,, i am a child. also my best friends are humans? what other confirmation do you need

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

loki you’re back!!!!! omw over, don’t leave Gwenny’s apartment. also you forgot our new additions,,, that’s mean @OfficialKidArachnid, @whosmorales, and the one and only @spidermaam-official

**> >dramatic WHORE @whosmorales**

yay loki’s back! also yes i know i don’t know her but i felt left out so i changed my name :)

**> >dramatic HOE @lowkeyloki**

who are they? have we adopted another?

**> >dramatic BITCH @gwaaanda**

we’ll explain. PETER HURRY UP THE FRIGGIN ICE CREAM’S MELTING

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Miles, this is Loki. She’s genderfluid,” Gwen said, gesturing to the black haired teenage girl in her kitchen.

“I gathered. From the ‘it’s a she day,’” Miles said. Someone knocked on the door. “Probably Peter.”

“OPEN THE DOOR, BITCHES!”

“Definitely Peter,” Loki snorted, opening the door. “Hey, nerd.”

“Hey, jerk,” Peter said, hugging her. “Anyway, this is Miles. They got spider powers the same day Gwen did. So now… we’re all spider-people. They’re Kid Arachnid, she’s Spider-Woman, and I’m still Spider-Man.”

“Well, that’s one way to make new friends. I did it by pretending to be my dad and running my country until my brother came back, my dad died, and my sister destroyed the country.”

“Uh,” said Miles.

“Don’t you go to a STEM school?”

“Shut your fuck, Loki, I’m processing what you just said,” the younger kid shot back.

“But—”

“That’s it. I’m calling you Lackey.”

“Wh—”

“Oh, my God, all of you just shut up. My neighbors are gonna get me evicted,” Gwen snapped. The other three teenagers turned to her. She just glared back at them. “Eat your ice cream and shut up. But not you, Miles, why didn’t you ask me for your relationship problems?” She grinned evilly and Loki snickered behind her.

“Ugh, shut _up_ ,” Miles muttered. “He’s very not queer, don’t even worry about it.” Miles sighed. “He was so _cute_ , though—”

“Pfft, wow,” Loki said, “sounds like a case of what I like to call ‘oh-I-hope-he’s-gay-oh-fuck-he’s-not.’”

“Loki!” Gwen chastised.

“What? It’s happened on Asgard many times for my brother. Even though the rules of sexuality and gender are practically non-existent, it was hard for my brother to find someone that Mother deemed worthy, so he had a fling with Sif, which was weird because Sif is gay, like, super gay, guys, and then with Dr. Jane Foster, although that was much more short-lived.”

“Aight,” Miles conceded, “makes sense.”

“Thank you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> kid arachnid says pansexual rights @OfficialKidArachnid**

i’m,,, big pansexual

**> >spider-woman says lesbian rights @spidermaam-official**

bitch you’re like five

**> >kid arachnid says pansexual rights @OfficialKidArachnid**

bite me binch >:(

**> >spider-man says bisexual rights @OfficialSpiderMan**

celebrate pride month @TonyStank @pottsnpans @roadrunner @scarletbitch @thebestbarton @soyougotdetention @jbabybarnes @thebetterbird @minihawk @lowkeyloki @gwaaanda @whosmorales @peanutbutterparker @godofthunder @sevenPhDs @TwOsHotSoFvOdKa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> cinderella @moonmoon**

guys lmao my brother snapped and @d and ALL of the avengers,,, THIS BITCH,,, also bro you forgot uncle rhodey and his fam :( @ColonelRhodes @CaptMonicaRambeau-Danvers @CaptCarolDanvers @CaptMariaRambeau @abeybabey @NickFury @mariahill

**> >spider-man says bisexual rights @OfficialSpiderMan**

ugh you suck you little bitch

**> >salt n pepper @pottsnpans**

Stop fighting on main and Spider-Man, apologize to Cindy

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

gross my siblings p.s. love you mom!

**> >salt n pepper @pottsnpans**

apologize to your siblings, Pete.

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

UGH FINE sorry… (not!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> dramatic WHORE @whosmorales**

@peanutbutterparker binch you told me you were an orphan??? fuck u i wish i knew pepper potts (QUEEN) was your mom!!!! and tony stark (toby starch, tiny strank, etc.) was ur DAD!!!!

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

you stupid bitch i am but mom n dad adopted me @pottsnpans i would say “adopt this idiot child” but they have parents already so y’all can be like cool uncle tony n aunty pep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> tony stark broke into my garage @harleyQUEENER**

@abbyQUEENER you okay baby sis? i’m coming home tmrw wait for me at mom’s house. something happened.

**> >tony stark broke my dora watch @abbyQUEENER**

@harleyQUEENER i’m okay. i’ll hang on for a few days but i really need to get out of here. hurry please!

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

are you two okay?

**> >tony stark broke my dora watch @abbyQUEENER**

oh fuck. uhhhh yep. we good, plz don’t worry :)

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

…abby? @harleyQUEENER harley what’s going on?

**> >tony stark broke into my garage @harleyQUEENER**

…hahahahahahahahahahahahaha nothing

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

Absolutely not. Harley, when are you getting back? I’m sending a jet.

**> >tony stark broke my dora watch @abbyQUEENER**

NO PLEASE DON’T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

i’m here, i’m queer, and i hate my dad.

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

@peanutbutterparker you’re so mean. stop it immediately or i will deploy my weapons

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

you’re already calling me out? maybe you should’ve stayed in that damn boarding school

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

okay, first of all, low blow, and second of all, I LEAVE FOR EIGHT YEARS AND YOU GO TO SI? smh, bitch. i’m crying :’^(

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

go kill yourself.

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

maybe i will, petey-pie ❤️

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

kid? who’s this?

**> >dramatic SLUT @peanutbutterparker**

he’s my bf (best friend) he went to boarding school in europe bc norman’s a bitch >:( we’ve kept in touch even tho norman said not to bc i’m a “commoner” like fuck him @NormanOsborn I’M FUCKIN TALKIN TO YOU

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

he’s not gonna answer, petey. thanks tho ❤️

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

nope. absolutely not—nope.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**{Direct Messages} from: @H.Osborn to: @peanutbutterparker**

**Harry Osborn**

so, yep. i’m alive. >:)

**Peter Parker**

yay!!!!!! missed you. also norman is like bonkers sooooo

i can ask mr. dad if you can come over!

**Harry Osborn**

peter: “mr. dad”

me: *raises eyebrow*

**Peter Parker**

shUT

**Harry Osborn**

no.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

@TonyStank mr. dad can harry come over?

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

no.

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

it’s okay, pete. i’m gonna get some ice cream. also. “mr. dad”

**> >Pepper Potts @CEO**

Sigh. Tony, must you? @H.Osborn , you’re welcome to come over anytime.

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

lmao mr. dad just got roASTED

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

y’know, ppl gon think he’s aCtUaLlY your dad if you keep calling him mr. dad, petey. don’t be a peter. be a harry, and have a terrible father-son relationship after your mama dies of cancer. it culminates in sending you away to boarding school :’)

**> >tony stark broke into my garage @harleyQUEENER**

@TonyStank wow. replacing me with harry osborn? that’s a new fuckin low, bitch

**> >tony stark broke my dora watch @abbyQUEENER**

and this bitch ain’t even called in like three years. smh, get out. y’all stanning the wrong man.

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

guys.

**> >tony stark broke my dora watch @abbyQUEENER**

shut your fuck, bitch

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

uhh… who are the two kids who just called tony FUCKING stark bitch??? three times??? why did he let them? are they his OTHER science kids??? what’s happening? WHO ARE THEY, PLEASE TONY I NEED TO KNOW @abbyQUEENER @harleyQUEENER

**> >move i’m gay @abbyQUEENER**

we’re two of the best people in the world. and he never even fuckin replaced my dora watch @TonyStank bitch.

**> >belt buckle of the bible belt @harleyQUEENER**

[stopsnitchinmotherfucker.gif]

**> >move i’m gay @abbyQUEENER**

literally fuck off. just. fuckin. fuck off

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> IronDad @TonyStark**

@harleyQUEENER what does your name mean. it’s confusing me. america eggsblain. what do you mean is not arkan-sass.

**> >belt buckle of the bible belt @harleyQUEENER**

it means that tennessee is the belt buckle of the bible belt, and i’m gay

**> >move i’m gay @abbyQUEENER**

also, tony stark is a bitch and anyone who says otherwise is a bitch too @pottsnpans if you agree with him *sharp inhale* *quietly* you’re a bitch too

**> >salt n pepper @pottsnpans**

oh, GOD, no! tony is the biggest fucking bitch i’ve ever met

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

r00d

**> >salt n pepper @pottsnpans**

tr00

**> >I Am Groot @iamgroot**

i am groot.

**> >move i’m gay @abbyQUEENER**

lmao mood

**> >wtf is a raccoon @rocket**

you can understand him? earth peter understands him too…

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

it’s a gen z superpower, get roasted boomers

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

i hate you.

**> >cinderella @moonmoon**

YOU’RE the one who answered when he said boomers,,,

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**{Direct Messages} from: @peanutbutterparker to: @H.Osborn**

**Peter Parker**

hello, hoe.

**Harry Osborn**

hello, bitch.

**Peter Parker**

wanna come over? we can watch star wars and eat ice cream

**Harry Osborn**

and cuddle? ❤️

**Peter Parker**

no

**Harry Osborn**

💔 r00d

**Peter Parker**

… and cuddle

**Harry Osborn**

❤️!!!!!!!!! thanks babey

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

peter parker is baby and must be protected… i’m lov him.

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

@ me next time, coward. but… i’m lov you, too.

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

nope. absolutely not. you two will not date.

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

i’ll date him if i want to. >:) but we’re not dating. oh, btw, i got the ice cream, you stupid whore, i’m coming over now @peanutbutterparker

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

okay, you dumb bitch. i’m waiting with blankets… and mr. dad’s heart meds so he doesn’t die when he comes home >:)

**> >IronDad @TonyStank**

you’re the reason i have gray hairs

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

that’s just cuz you’re old

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

i literally live for these interactions also @worldsgreatestgrandma antoinette is scuttling around i don’t know what to do heLP SHE’S MAKING NOISES AHHH

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

whomst is antoinette?

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

a dog-sized ant, don’t worry about it. apparently she just needs to go on a walk but like,,, i’m calling cassie @daddylanglegs COME GET YO MANS

**> >ASSie @daddylanglegs**

bitch, huh??? also no, just put her in the collar by the door i’m busy

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

busy doing what? play tonsil tennis with lila barton? literally get fucked

**> >WASP @worldsgreatestgrandpa**

okay, first of all, you’re already like sisters, and second of all, Cassandra Allison Lang, you have some explaining to do.

**> >ASSie @daddylanglegs**

thanks a lot, Ashton

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

i repeat: get fucked

**> >h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

OOF

**> >ASSie @daddylanglegs**

[guessilldie.jpg]

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

bitch you better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> h.o.(e) @H.Osborn**

feelin like a hoe. will always feel like a hoe.

**pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

yes but why

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

rieifjewijrjdjve CASSIE GOT GROUNDED FOR NOT TELLING HOPE AND SCOTT SHE WAS DATING @thebestbarton

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

how do you think mr. dad would feel if ***** and i went on a public date

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

i think he’d die, so don’t do that.

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

but i wanna

**> >ASSie @daddylanglegs**

it’s not worth it, pete

**> >r-rebecca it’s not what you think @iwonthesitatebitch**

aren’t you grounded?

**> >ASSie @daddylanglegs**

shut your fuck ashton it’s your fault

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> cinderella @moonmoon**

PETERRRRRRRRR COME HEEEEERE @peanutbutterparker

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

what?

**> >cinderella @moonmoon**

shit i’n sjakign rn just come finde me aks friday

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

on it just breathe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Cindy?” Peter called into the room FRIDAY said she was in, looking around. “Cin, are you okay?”

“Fuck, fuck, no, I’m not! I’m stuck on the fucking ceiling! Peter, _help_ —”

“You’re what?” he shrieked.

“Help!”

“Coming!” Peter activated the lights and leapt onto the ceiling next to Cindy. “Cin, you gotta breathe.” His sister’s face was streaked with tears, and her legs were shaking. “Just breathe, okay? Relax. I’ll jump down and catch you.”

“Okay,” she whispered, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. Suddenly, she fell from the tile and crashed into Peter. “Ow.”

“Excuse you?” Peter yelled. “Did you just say ‘ow?’ Are you kidding? _You_ fell on _me_!” Cindy shrugged as she struggled to her feet and then froze.

“Oh, shit. What’re we gonna tell Dad?”

“Oh, _shit_.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> silk, hoes @silky-spider-official**

sjgiaenbouhjklb @spidermaam-official @OfficialSpiderMan @OfficialKidArachnid welp that just happened

**> >peppermint SUCK @OfficialKidArachnid**

uh-oh

**> >blue??? blood??? how??? @spidermaam-official**

HOW @H.Osborn control y’all’s spiders

**> >silk, hoes @silky-spider-official**

actually it was alchemax lmao

**> >currently regrowing a finger @OfficialSpiderMan**

bitch, doesn’t help @TonyStank head empty no thoughts just s🅱ider

**> >silk, hoes @silky-spider-official**

stop it immediately or new york will be down one spider-person

**> >currently regrowing a finger @OfficialSpiderMan**

try it bitch

**> >currently regrowing a finger @OfficialSpiderMan**

see, twitter? she’s a cowalfdbsefuidbkvhas

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

oh my fucken god he’s fucken dead

**> >ashley @waywarddork-trashfire**

BUNNY N O

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

bunny Y E S

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

you’re both the worst, jsyk

**> >shayli @chaoticidiott**

i mean,,,

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

i’m offended that y’all didn’t @ me

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

...oops?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> blue @king-bumi-for-president**

in conclusion, don’t let bunny do anything ever. i can’t even. bruh. BRUH what the actual fuck how did that fucking happen

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

i’m offended but i know it’s true. so i will let this slide ONCE and ONLY once next time i’ll kill you xoxo

**> >shayli @chaoticidiott**

oh good, she knows she’s an idiot

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

says the bitch whose name is literally “chaotic idiot(t)”

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

dugjhalivdvs B U N N Y

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

i didn’t do anything!!!

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

that’s what they all say

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> oh no @angelic_angie**

does anyone on here actually know @cryingatikea @king-bumi-for-president @waywarddork-trahsfire and @chaoticidiott ? do we know why they interacted on @silky-spider-official ’s post?

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

;)

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

;)

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

;)

**> >ashley @waywarddork-trashfire**

;)

**> >shayli @chaoticidiott**

;) (you left @appa-bottom-jeans out, she’s basically our mom)

**> >emily @appa-bottom-jeans**

;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> bunny @cryingatikea**

@peanutbutterparker you’re late to acadec again istg

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

who??? are you???

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

dfjbvbdsabh did he forget we exist i’m—

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

i’m sorry but idk who u guys are

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

we’re on acadec with u. we always sit in the back and hit each other and ring the bells constantly

**> >mj. @emtothejay**

that’s YOU??? i almost kicked you guys off for that

**> >shayli @chaoticidiott**

ABORT ABORT MJ KNOWS—

**> >emily @appa-bottom-jeans**

y’all gon die. *sigh* i’ll come pick you up

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

THANKS MOM <3

**> >emily @appa-bottom-jeans**

<3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> oh no @angelic_angie**

i’m quaking??? tony’s intern knows the kids who responded to Silk??? what’s happening???

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

what would you do for me to tell you the truth

**> >oh no @angelic_angie**

anything

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

then perish

**> >oh no @angelic_angie**

yeahhhh i walked right into that one. but seriously. how

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

hm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> bunny @cryingatikea**

blue is smiling so wide holy shit their face is gonna fall off

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

@ me next time, coward

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

  1. no.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> currently regrowing a finger @OfficialSpiderMan**

i just found these accounts who ARE you @thestupidsquad @therealist @theartist

**> >SHE (...they?) @theartist**

that’s not our whole team but some of them are COWARDS so they just use the team acc

**> >gender? what’s that? @therealist**

shgfkdsh yeah they really are

**> >the stupid squad. @thestupidsquad**

offended.

**> >gender? what’s that? @therealist**

as it should be, bitch

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

i want to dead

**> >Iced Americano @soyougotdetention**

then perish.

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

FJKVBKSDJBK C A P

**> >Iced Americano @soyougotdetention**

Did I do it right?

**> >she doesn’t even go here @gwaaanda**

yes, and please stop using caps (lmao) and punctuation k thx byeeee

**> >Iced Americano @soyougotdetention**

am i doing right NOW?

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

this is the best goddamn day of my life

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

lmaooo does cap have our sense of humor?

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

he do

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

EXCUSE ME MR. BUCKY WINTER WHITE WOLF SOLDIER SIR I LOVE YOU :)

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

… :)

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

ohhhh my god lemme just jump off a bridge rn

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

do a backflip

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

you heard the man, bunny. go die

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

on it

**> >hey i’m lesbian @scarletbitch**

who are you

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

a god

**> >i thought you were american @roadrunner**

okay mood but seriously

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

idk annoying??? what do u want me to say i’m nobody idk why bucky responded lmao

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

are you on the bridge yet?

**> >bunny @cryingatikea**

O H M Y G O D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> SHE (...they?) @theartist**

since i’ve gotten a bunch of questions about my name, i’m the artist bc my tattoos can be formed into physical objects. if u see me please don’t try to peel one of them off it hurts like shit if i’m not the one doing it

**> >gender? what’s that? @therealist**

i’m the realist bc i can manipulate probability/reality lol. will i land on my feet from a 50 foot jump, break no bones, and live? 100%. will our bathtub be filled with ice cream? 100%

**> >oh no @angelic_angie**

“our” bathtub?

**> >SHE (...they?) @theartist**

the stupid squad all live together lmao. BRONX BABEYYY

**> >bronx bitch @hellyeah**

HELL YEAH!

**> >currently regrowing a finger @OfficialSpiderMan**

gross no. queens is better

**> >silk, hoes @silky-spider-official**

uh??? how dare. manhattan, by far

**> >peppermint SUCK @OfficialKidArachnid**

brooklyn, bitches

**> >blue??? blood??? how??? @spidermaam-official**

you’re all dumb. CLEARLY staten island is the best.

**> >peppermint SUCK @OfficialKidArachnid**

for your sake i hope you’re kidding cuz if you’re not i will go APESHIT

**> >oh no @angelic_angie**

omg are all of you from different boroughs?

**> >the stupid squad. @thestupidsquad**

sigh. yes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

@thestupidsquad idk who’s using the acc rn but it’s directed at all of you. you’re ALL dumb

**> >the stupid squad. @thestupidsquad**

okay, rude, also true. but why

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

bc i asked for your discords, like a normal fucking person, and you added me to the stupid squad server instead of the regular one???

**> >the stupid squad. @thestupidsquad**

oh, that.

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

YES THAT smh y’all STUPID stupid

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> oh no @angelic_angie**

so this guy @thompsonbutgay knows TSS’s identities now? bc they put him in the wrong discord? peak comedy

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

blease,,, no

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

okay mood but tell me how u know them

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

shan’t

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> SHE (...they?) @theartist**

okay but @thompsonbutgay is correct we’re literally so dumb

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

sometimes i can’t believe you and then i remember who you ACTUALLY are and i’m like, “oh yeah that tracks”

**> >SHE (...they?) @theartist**

ouch

**> >gender? what’s that? @therealist**

i mean,,, it’s. true

**> >SHE (...they?) @theartist**

BITCH???

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

can you even BELIEVE it??? i have an s/o how and why did that happen. @doormat america eggsblain???

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

because i like you, suck it up

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

but??? i’m??? the absolute worst???

**> >(m)ari(j)uana @maryjooawna**

wait, you guys are dating? also @cryingatikea keep your face like that i need a reference for my drawing

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

@maryjooawna >:(

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

yeah, i asked her out a couple days ago and now we’re dating

**> >(m)ari(j)uana @maryjooawna**

gross, you have matching names

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

it’s because i’m a nerd

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

bitch you’re ADORABLE

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

🥺🥺🥺 babe

**> >SHE (...they?) @theartist**

gross

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

could you shut up for ONE MINUTE

**> >SHE (...they?) @theartist**

  1. no ❤️



**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

  1. yes **🔪**



**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

this is why we can’t have nice things. bunny, STOP

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

>:(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

@jbabybarnes “gimme the SENIOR CITIZEN discount” and “jBABYbarnes” hm.

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

i may have a contradiction but i also have years of assassin training and a metal arm, kid. watch it.

**> >shur-YEET @didifuckingstutter**

he’s lying. he’s soft and took care of a bunch of baby goats and some kids in a border village. don’t pay attention to him

**> >gimme the senior citizen discount @jbabybarnes**

you may have taught me everything you know but i also know how to kill people without leaving a trace, princess. watch it.

**> >shur-YEET @didifuckingstutter**

okay but i’m a princess so that would be. bad.

**> >pink panther @kingtchalla**

okay but i don’t like you anyway so that would be. fine.

**> >shur-YEET @didifuckingstutter**

T’CHALLA

**> >pink panther @kingtchalla**

what.

**> >shur-YEET @didifuckingstutter**

you can’t just,,, i swear to bast if i die i’ll blame you

**> >pink panther @kingtchalla**

yeah but you’ll be dead so you won’t be able to tell anyone. hm. PLOT HOLE. there’s a problem with your story, shuri

**> >shur-YEET @didifuckingstutter**

t’challa i will END you

**> >pb and slay @peanutbutterparker**

bitch i love you but get OFF my feed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

what if i…?

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

idk what it is, but don’t

**> >bunny (worse half) @cryingatikea**

>:(

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**> blue @king-bumi-for-president**

when??? did mat and bunny start dating???

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

when you were in hell

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

bitch i’m always in hell try again

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

okay, mood. also, you good?

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

have i ever been

**> >bunny (worse half) @crying-at-ikea**

plot twist: he never has been

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

wow, rude.

**> >bunny (worse half) @crying-at-ikea**

bitch. you JUST said it. i’ll kill you. i’ll END you. Bitch

**> >blue @king-bumi-for-president**

hm. no.

**> >bunny (worse half) @crying-at-ikea**

i’m on my wavjlbfksd

**> >mat (better half) @doormat**

don’t worry i killed them

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

we love to see it

**> >wes @sokkaseboyhair**

do we???

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

shut up mom

**> >wes @sokkaseboyhair**

IM LIKE 20 FUCK OFF

**> >flash, bitch @thompsonbutgay**

no <3


End file.
